Christmas versions of non-Christmas games, Part 1

With December well underway it's officially the Christmas season, and that means I have an easy topic to cover over the next few posts! Yes, expect the coming few articles to be especially holly jolly. After all, for many of you, Christmas is intimately associated with video games, for that was the time of year when as a child you received the better part of that year's digital bounty. But relatively few games—or at least relatively few decent games—are explicitly themed around Christmas. Not to worry, a surprising number of prominent classic games had a coat of Christmas paint applied to them and the result put out as a special Christmas edition. That's right, we're kicking things off with an interesting little phenomenon: official Christmas versions of games that have little to nothing to do with Christmas. Here we go!

Outlaw Golf: 9 Holes of X-Mas (Xbox, 2002)

 

Outlaw Golf is a mediocre golf game distinguished by raunchy humor, and I am 99% sure that the train of thought leading to this concept was something along the lines of "You know how to play golf you have to wear polo shirts and belong to a country club that keeps out the poor people? Well, what if golf was played by, like, strippers and gangsters instead? Can you imagine?" Well, they did more than just imagine, and the result of their labor was put out for all the major consoles of the day, although I believe this Christmas-themed expansion may have only been released for Xbox—all the mentions I've found of it describe it as being for that system, and considering the demographics of the various platforms I wouldn't be surprised if the original performed best there. This expansion was also a Blockbuster rental exclusive, although I think it may have seen a retail release under the name Outlaw Golf: Holiday Golf. It apparently did well enough that the next year they made another Blockbuster-exclusive expansion, 9 More Holes of X-Mas.

On the cover we have a man whose hipster beard, wraparound sunglasses, and insouciant stance make him seem like he was created as part of a contest among the developers to make the smuggest, douchiest character design possible. He also appears to have had trouble deciding whether he would stay warm on the course by wearing a puffer jacket or a traditional Christmas sweater and ultimately chose to compromise and wear both, cutting off the arms of the puffer to show off his festive sleeves. At least he bundled up, the lady behind him is going to catch her death if she goes golfing in the snow wearing only a raglan T-shirt, short shorts, and pantyhose. Why she's wearing so little is left as an exercise for the reader.

Christmas Seaman (Dreamcast, 1999)

 

Yes, it's Seaman, the game that asked "what if we took Hey You, Pikachu! and made it star a smart-mouthed human-fish hybrid?" (The answer, incidentally, is that the game would be roughly one thousand percent creepier than when it stars a cute little electric mouse beloved by millions.) Christmas Seaman was only released in Japan, which unfortunately means we can't listen to the original's English narrator, Leonard Nimoy, tell us how a half-man half-fish abomination symbolizes the true meaning of Christmas. Considering that Seaman claims the Third Dynasty of Ancient Egypt was influenced by knowledge brought to them by an ancient race of Seamen, I can only assume the Christmas edition describes how they are the origin of the ichthys, the Jesus fish you see on car bumpers.

The game, subtitled Omoi o Tsutaeru Mou Hitotsu no Houhou (meaning something like "a different way to convey your feelings"), is actually a messaging service: you say something to your Seaman, and you'll get a code you can post online, which other players can put in their game to hear Seaman say it after altering it according to his fishy whims. This cover takes the silhouette seen on the original game's cover and gives it a Santa-based makeover, leaving me to imagine a world where children anticipate not the coming of a jolly old elf bearing gifts but a horrifying amphibious chimaera with the face of a human being. I shudder to think of what they would leave out for him to snack on, or what aquatic race of monstrosities he has enslaved to make the toys.

Bravo Music: Christmas Edition (PS2, 2001)

 

You might know this one as Mad Maestro, the name the original version of this rhythm-action game was released under in the West. It was one of the few games to make use of the PS2 Dualshock's pressure-sensitive buttons, before everyone realized they weren't particularly compelling from a gameplay standpoint (not to mention their fragility), and the Japanese version even let you play with an included baton peripheral. This Japan-only Christmas edition replaces the classical music by greats such as Beethoven and Tchaikovsky with (what else?) Christmas music. I was going to compliment this cover for having the presence of mind to replace the conductor's baton with an icicle, but after looking at the original's cover I think that's just what it looks like. Additional points off for not taking the obvious step of dressing the conductor in a Santa suit, instead just putting him on there in a Oxford cloth button-down and a skinny yellow tie as if he's a member of Duran Duran.

Christmas NiGHTS into dreams... (Sega Saturn, 1996) 

 

Finally for today we have the covers of what is probably the most famous holiday edition of all with the Christmas version of Sonic Team's classic flying action game NiGHTS into dreams.... It was actually released in all three of JP, NA, and EU regions, and as befits a Christmas classic we'll take a look at them all. We'll start off with the Japanese cover, which includes a blurb on the right side revealing that Christmas NiGHTS is a mini-sequel to the original set on Christmas eve, in which Elliot and Claris, the human children Nights enlisted to help them in their fight against the evil Wizeman in the original game, go on another dream-based adventure. Obviously the main point of interest here is Nights themselves, shown offering you a Christmas present from which radiates a strange and powerful glow while they wear a vaguely sinister smile. I advise you to think carefully before you accept this present.

In fact, I kind of feel that Nights as a character is somewhat sinister in general. That's not a criticism, mind you—as a creature from the liminal world of dreams, and one created to help conquer the world before they betrayed their evil master, they should be somewhat mysterious and unknowable to the point you can't always be sure of their motives even if they've been nothing but helpful. I actually have a great deal of affection for Nights the character even though I never played NiGHTS as a child, because the (also Sonic Team-developed) game Phantasy Star Online, which I most certainly did play as a child, had a quest called "Dream Messenger" where Nights shows up and playfully screws around with you for a bit before giving you a recording of his game's most famous song, "Dream Dreams" (which actually received an a capella remix for Christmas NiGHTS). I found this quest oddly affecting at the time even if objectively there isn't much to it, and you can be sure that if I ever get married I'll float "Dream Dreams" to my partner as a potential first dance song.

 

Here's the European cover, and Nights has donned a seasonally-appropriate red-with-white-trim ensemble. Also in their best holiday garb are Elliot and Claris; Elliot is striking a pose out of a Busby Berkeley musical, while Claris is juggling some "ideya", orbs that in the game represent human dream energy, so if you've ever had a dream where you were repeatedly made to rise and fall by forces beyond your control or understanding you know who to blame. Nights is no longer offering you a boxed and gift-wrapped Ark of the Covenant and instead continues to be slightly creepy in a more prosaic way by smirking and giving Claris some side-eye. The back of this cover states that for best results you should check the manual for instructions on setting your Saturn's internal clock, which is part of the game's whole deal: only when it's set to the holiday season will the levels actually be Christmas-themed. In fact, once beaten Christmas NiGHTS has different content for a number of different dates, including New Year's, Valentine's Day, and April Fool's Day. I'm just disappointed nothing special happens on Groundhog Day, we could've seen Nights get into a boss battle with Punxsutawney Phil.

 

Finally we have the American cover. It uses the same render of Nights' head as in the European cover, but Elliot and Claris have been banished in favor of leaving Nights alone in a black void. With nothing to look at Nights has closed their eyes, so instead of looking sinister they look really smug, as if being in an empty black void with nothing but some sprigs of holly for company is the greatest thing to ever happen to them. Perhaps they're trying to challenge the Outlaw Golf man for the title of smuggest face in this article. One other thing to note is that this cover turns the Sega Saturn logo in the top left corner into a Christmas ornament, which is a nice touch. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like Sega ever offered a real, officially licensed Sega Saturn Christmas ornament, for which I'm going to blame Bernie Stolar.

That's it for now, but join me next time for part 2, when we'll cover even more special Christmas editions! 

(As always, images are taken from the Launchbox games database.)